So I was driving home from the bizarre area of town northwest of the airport tonight, and just about got creamed while entering the Palmetto Expressway due to a very thoughtfully added road feature placed as part of the possibly neverending 'construction' work on the roadway.

Ascii illustration follows:

|  826  | NORTH  |
|                | 
|       |         \
|                  \   | or \ =  Concrete temporary
|       |           \                   wall
|                    \
|       |  MERGE      \
|           O R        \
|       |  D I E        \
|          !!!!!         \
|       |        |        \
|                |         \
|       |        |\         \
|                | \         \ <- Entrance ramp
   ^^      ^^          ^^
Nonstop traffic,        Me,
moving 50 mph	    FREAKED THE FLYING
                        FNORD OUT

Note how this is constructed. Unlike a typical merge area after a highway entrance, there is no area in which to accelerate or decelerate to match your position to that of a hole in traffic. Stopping and waiting is NOT AN OPTION, as I would have been trapped there for a very long time waiting for an opening... and anyone who strayed even two feet to the right of the travel lane would have rear-ended me and sent me flying right into the wall, which damn near happened about one second before I pressed the gas pedal to the floor and just leaped into a BARELY large enough opening. (Two feet less and our 1998 Taurus wouldn't have a rear bumper anymore.)

This is the second time I have run into this exact configuration of temporary barriers during road construction; the first time it happened, the traffic around was going 70! I was so freaked out that I just stood on the gas after that one, and found myself doing about 100.... meep.

In light of these events, I've decided to prepare a musical tribute.

The MDX Song

(To the tune of The FCC Song)

(Heavily redacted due to the AUP... just insert another well-known four letter word beginning with the same letter in place of 'Fnord'.)

Fnord you very much, the MDX
Fnord you for nearly killing me,
Your construction is a pain,
For very little gain,
I wish I'd just taken the 23.

So fnord you very much, the MDX
You truly know how to leave me vexed
One hundred feet to merge
While traffic moves in a spurge*
Your walls of cement trying to assure a painful death
Are your construction teams all tweaked on crystal meth?
Fnord you all so very much...

So fnord you very much, the MDX
Roads covered in debris,
Just make the commute more fun, you see
Roam in tow trucks
Picking up your victims from the side of the road
Fnord you all so very much.

* I could swear I saw someone, somewhere, define 'spurge' as being a rapid gush of some thick liquid. Imagine squeezing an inadequately opened fast food condiment packet very hard.

(Coming soon: Commentary on TOLLS!)
I think I'll just take the bus instead.