FnordTran
All routes are served by air-conditioned, fully handicapped-accessible buses which travel through a dimension in which time does not exist, thus, all trips are not only instantaneous through the eye of the Earthling beholder, but, since there is no time standard from which to derive speed, it is possible to travel faster than the speed of light and arrive before you departed.
All FnordTran buses are equipped with bike racks. No bike permit is required (who do you think we are, the Illuminati??)
Routes
FnordTran serves two routes, 5 and 23. FnordTran's routes are not fixed; all stops are scheduled by your subconcious. Route 5 offers direct service to wherever (and whenever) you request through your pineal gland; Route 23's stops are defined through the law of negative reversal. Route 23 will not stop where you have requested, but in the opposite of the place you have not requested. Any questions? Consult your pineal gland.
Schedules
FnordTran's arrival times are dictated by your subconcious. Please stand well back from the curb when summoning FnordTran. (We HATE cleaning up the mess otherwise created...)
Instructions
To summon FnordTran, concentrate really hard on the spot on the roadway upon which you want it to appear, standing well back from the curb.
To request a stop, concentrate upon your intended destination (or the opposite of your unintended destination). Please remain seated until the bus comes to a complete stop in the domain of reality. Since FnordTran is capable of travelling backwards through time, please do not exit the bus at the same location at which you boarded, as you may meet yourself and create a causality violation and turn the universe into a giant wad of butterscotch pudding.
Links
The Principia Discordia
Some other random info about FnordTran
Blue Neon
